Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s Got the Flattest Hat of All?
Curses! It’s Leonard da Vinci! And it didn’t have to be flown in to New York from Miami for a final fitting. (It didn’t get any fitting.) And it didn’t get crumpled along the way1 because it couldn’t get crumpled because it already was as crumpled — and flat — as a hat can be.
But da Vinci’s hat – no matter how venerated the head wearing it – is just all wrong. It doesn’t say power and punch the way Melania’s does. It doesn’t get the message across the way Melania’s does that the person hiding under it hates your guts. Da Vinci’s flat hat doesn’t announce to the sentient who the powerbroker really is.
Yes, with her new flat hat Melania made many things clear. In she swept, hijacking someone else’s inauguration to brandish her widely touted hash of mysteries: Reclusive exhibitionist. Humble icon. Recondite commandant. The frost on the bloom. The vinegar in the milkshake. The kiss-me-if-you-can, creep, loving wife. Yes, the woman for all opportunities managed to say again, this time with just one flat hat: “I REALLY DON’T CARE. DO U?”
(Melania® is considering turning her now-famous flat hat into a priceless non-fungible frisbee, but is not sure if that means she’ll have to destroy the hat. She had so been looking forward to auctioning it off, knowing full well how lively and lucrative that skirmish would be. Nevertheless, she has confided to those close to her that she intends to keep the jacket.)
The frisbee idea is genius! The new hula-hoop?
I was thinking more in the line of James-Bond assassination equipment.
Yes. The Bond films seem appropriate to MAGA. Also I hear there is a new puppet show based on wrestling performances!