Trump’s Finest Service Provider
El Salvadoran president Nayib Bukele does not have the power to smuggle terrorists into the United States. He said so in a recent meeting with President Donald J. Trump in Donald J. Trump’s ellipse-shaped office.1
While we have to respect his candor, Bukele is too modest. Such an admission from any of his fellow dictators would elicit his scorn. A man so ambitious, agile, clever, determined, and well-connected as to establish himself dictator of El Salvador could pull off such an elementary maneuver without much effort. Adroit dictators have been known to smuggle lots of unlikely quantities into countries of all sizes and political stripes: polonium-210, Novichok, bone saws, bone saw specialists, and assassins, just to name a few items we know about. The act’s illegality certainly wouldn’t cause Bukele hesitation. The real question is why this proud, slick dictator would disparage his abilities in front of the American public. Surely, it must be painful — not to mention damaging to his reputation — to admit his powerlessness to perform so basic a task. Think, too, that Bukele is demeaning himself in front of Trump, the very man who contracted him for his competence, which was why Bukele happened to be in that room for that meeting.
At issue, of course, was the silly situation Trump had landed himself in when an incompetent lawyer of his admitted in court that the abduction of Kilmar Abrego Garcia had been an administrative error. That lawyer was now gone, but the fallout from that admission was causing Trump a little extra effort, like summoning Bukele to appear for an Oval Office meeting and say what he had just said: that it was impossible for Bukele to release Garcia from Bukele’s own personal Salvadoran prison.
Trump was evidently pleased with Bukele’s poised self-deprecation. But Bukele went further. He scolded reporters for suggesting he do something so inappropriate as sneak a terrorist back into the United States. In that grand Oval Office, in front of the cameras, under the glare of the lights, Bukele — sans shades — continued to staunchly serve his most illustrious client, President Trump, in ways unforeseen. Trump had always thought Bukele was a pretty good guy. He was coming through beautifully now.
“Oopsie! Too late!” became the international raspberry of the year and a service pro bono even Trump would not have thought of.
Last month Bukele had quitted admirably what all parties had thought would be his sole part of a grand bargain, packing away in his high-security prison the hundreds of men Trump’s immigration police rushed down to him in the middle of one March night.
That very night, on the spot, with unlooked-for elan, Bukele provided a surprising extra service for Trump in adroitly thumbing his nose at a federal judge’s order to return those men. “Oopsie! Too late!” became the international raspberry of the year and a service pro bono even Trump would not have thought of. Bukele was definitely a pro and the right choice for the job.
As the sterling service provider he was, Bukele had the men marched out of the planes, hauled into his prison, and stripped to their underwear. Their heads were ungently shaved, they were shackled. With their heads shoved nearly to their knees, they were force-marched off into the depths of the dreaded high-security prison as Bukele’s team filmed it. And distributed it. A shocking display of what happens to the worst of the worst when Bukele gets $6 million a year to see to it. It was a wonder. Trump needed more guys like that.
Then that stupid hitch. To have that idiot lawyer declare the abduction of just one of those immigrant deplorables to be a mistake. And not the gay hairdresser. That seemed to go down okay. No, it was the Garcia guy. To defuse that, all Trump could do was ask Bukele — real politely — to fly up and perform just one more teeny-weeny service, hoping the Salvadoran wouldn’t bring up extra services costing extra millions. Trump didn’t want to hear anything like that. That would put Trump over what you might call a barrel, making it hard for witnesses to pick out the barrel in that tumble. What would be great is if Bukele just wouldn’t mention money at all. But the guy turned out to really be the coolest dictator. On Bukele’s arrival, Trump was on his toes enough to hold out the promise of needing more prisons for more prisoners so Bukele would know more business was coming his way. Bukele agreeably took the bait. And on into the Oval Office they went for Bukele’s greatest performance.
The answers Bukele gave were those of a conscientious service provider delineating his responsibilities under the terms of a contract he made with Trump.
Some say a cynical exchange took place between Bukele and reporters in the Oval Office that day. Anything but. The answers Bukele gave were those of a conscientious service provider delineating his responsibilities under the terms of a contract he made with Trump: receiving criminals from the U.S. to incarcerate for a fee. When asked point blank if he would release Garcia, Bukele’s reply perfectly reflected the terms of that contract: He had no power to “smuggle” a terrorist back into the United States and was bound for the sake of law and order to keep Garcia under lock and key in El Salvador. Bukele really was powerless to do otherwise. He was under contract with the United States to incarcerate criminals Trump sends him for a fee of $20,000 per man per year. Trump sent him Garcia under that contract. Accordingly, Bukele is bound to receive and handle Garcia as a criminal.
One might remark that under that contract, Bukele became Trump’s dupe in one of Trump’s most accomplished sleights of hand yet. It’s a fantastic contract that can disappear people but good. It works like this: Bukele agrees to incarcerate criminals Trump sends to El Salvador. Pursuant to the agreement, Trump can send just anyone whom Bukele is contracted to receive as a criminal and incarcerate. Why should Bukele suspect Trump of violating the terms of the agreement? If Trump told Bukele he was sending pineapples, but sent water balloons, Bukele might wonder. But guilt is invisible. Bukele has no reason to suspect that Trump is not sending him the criminals he agreed to send. Should Bukele commit the extreme impertinence of suspecting Trump of not being on the level, Bukele in El Salvador would have no means of ascertaining any of the men’s guilt or innocence anyway except to ask the man he suspects of misleading him. Most unlikely.
It goes without saying that, in accepting criminals from Trump, Bukele could not possibly entertain the idea of releasing them. It is just as Bukele said, “We’re not very fond of releasing terrorists into our country.” He’s right not to.
In commending those men to the care of El Salvador, Trump can protest that he has no authority whatsoever to interfere with a foreign sovereign state. That is the weakest aspect of Trump’s scheme. It is well known that Bukele is Trump’s service provider. No one, however, guessed that Bukele would serve him so well.
- The Oval Office meetings of President Donald J. Trump’s second tenure will go down in U.S. history for their barbaric distortion of American political decorum. Decorum in the den Daniel once famously visited was, in comparison, straightforward. ↩︎