Be Cool! Don’t Let Him Spin It into Class T Martyr

Despite having the highest ambitions for himself, Donald J. Trump was convicted in New York State for the lowest-level felony: Class E. Will his ego withstand the slight? Based on this petty conviction, will he be able to incite his followers to mount a new assault on the American government? Do not doubt the man. It has already begun.

First, let’s consider the foible that led this haughty mountebank to his minor conviction: an obsession with “big.” How could Trump fail to grab the chance to sleep with a woman — just once would do — who had the biggest of one of the things so many men fantasize about? Would this not be an invaluable addition to his gallery of trophies? Would this not brilliantly leaven his locker-room talk?

After the supposed escapade, other things happened that clearly looked to the jury to be interlinked cause and effect. At the end of that chain of events was a little hook: The septuagenarian who succeeded in gaining the presidency in 2016 was convicted on May 30, 2024, on the charge of falsifying business records to cover up the appearance — whether it happened or not is irrelevant — of his having had yet another extramarital fling, news of which he felt might deal death to his 2016 presidential campaign. 

This was just one of four criminal indictments brought against Trump since his recalcitrant removal from a tumultuous and destabilizing stint as U.S. president. While this first case ended in swift conviction, the other three have become mired in the fears of the presiding judges (including a handful of Supreme Court justices), none of whom has Judge Juan Merchan’s starch to face the ordeal. But no matter. They are pretty sure that if they delay long enough — of plausible grounds for legal procrastination they happily have no lack, Trump just might get elected again and all this will go away, allowing them to return to presiding over cases where little hangs in the balance, what they’re best at.

While Trump might glory in the notoriety of being a class A felon, he does not want to spend time with other class A felons.

But Trump hasn’t been elected yet and may well not get elected. Losing the election would strip him of scare value, those judges might regain their bearings, and the pending Federal trials could begin, which aren’t so minor: Trump’s absconding with, hiding, then defying Federal attempts to retrieve classified information, and his role in inciting and abetting the Jan. 6, 2021, assault on the Capitol. He’d rather not stand trial for those, and neither would the judges like to preside over them, hence the current delay. While the latter’s reluctance is a matter of perplexity, it’s clear that Trump, while he might glory in the notoriety of being a class A felon, does not want to spend time with other class A felons. His only chance to avoid that is to regain the White House and quash the indictments.

And how to get back into that White House? Simple. Rile up his personally groomed militia by cranking that measly class E felony conviction into a grand narrative in which he is the target of a Federal conspiracy, and why? Because he, Donald J. Trump, and he alone has exposed the rot in the Federal government. He alone knows the Biden administration, the Deep State behind it, and the Liberals living like vermin all over the place are taking away the freedom of the people of this great country who are not vermin, the nonvermin, so to speak. Trump and Trump alone has the power, vision, courage, stability — well, he might not call attention to that; fortitude is better — and fortitude to safeguard American democracy and ensure that its hundreds of millions of nonvermin live the free, full, explosive, or rather unfettered, lives the founding fathers intended, which will be possible because Trump is going to do away with the Federal government. The revenues left over from the agencies Trump will tank have already been earmarked. For example, he’s going to fund an Air Force One Shadow to fly close by as Trump shoots across the sky in his coveted Air Force One; if Air Force One breaks down, its payload – Trump – will be sucked over to the mighty Shadow somehow, enabling him to continue on his way to meet Kim Jong Un for a nuclear tête–à–tête over Cokes and fries. Trump’s fondest dream, of course, is to fly in multiple Air Force Ones simultaneously, the sensation of being an entire flock of stealth geese on the wing. He hasn’t figured that one out yet, but there will be budget galore to do so once Trump has trashed all those wasteful Federal programs. 

To regain the presidency, all Trump must do is convince his followers, whatever the fallout for the government, the democracy, or the country, that his class E conviction portends the downfall of the American way of life. That alone will turn them out in their scores of millions to vote him back into office, from which oval berth he will promptly cancel those pesky Federal charges and begin his righteous rampage of vengeance on all who dared oppose him, including the entire Biden administration.

Walking out of this tawdry mess with an ankle bracelet and litter duty just might embarrass Trump.

Trump’s narrative has succeeded. His supporters responded instantly to his call of distress. They posted dire messages stating that it is up to them to right all the wrongs visited on Trump throughout his lifetime and that, at this juncture in human history and to facilitate Trump’s latest career move, bloodshed is required. Finally. Oh boy. How eerily these posts echo the ramp-up chatter that kindled the Jan. 6 assault; and once again, Trump is behind it. Trump’s sole worry is that his wimpy Class E felony won’t stretch that far. He would like very much to reveal himself as a class T felon. He’s counting on extra budget to work out what the T stands for.

For those who see Trump as the threat (class T for sure, no budget needed), the challenge is: be cool. The law has run its course. The jury, vetted by Trump’s own lawyers, has spoken. Trump was found guilty of falsifying business records. Other people do it. Other people get convicted for it. But few first-offense class E felons serve prison time. So let’s not bemoan a sentence of probation if that’s what Judge Merchan rules. Walking out of this tawdry mess with an ankle bracelet and litter duty just might embarrass Trump, while prison time? That’s the ammo he seeks to transform the figure of a petty white-collar crook into a class T martyr. And that just might suck him right up into another scorched-earth stint as U.S. president.